Lifetime of Tardiness

I <3 Dane Cook! Lol. Plus, this little snippet represents my life now! I've been single for a few months now. Gah, I've missed it! Doing what I want, when I want. Hanging out with my friends, coworkers, family. I've had more fun the past few months than I've had in a looong time! However, scanning through MySpace friends today, I keep seeing pictures of couples and engagement announcements and weddings photos and baby news. It's freaking me out! I'm sooo not there. But everyone else seems to be. Yikes. I'm just gonna stick with friends, fun, and spontaneity! Hopefully, at the beginning of June, I'm having a cookout at the house. Keep a lookout for pictures!

Lancelot

He loves catnip, hair rubber bands, and scratching.

Living Room

My new living room furniture! Well, I got it in December.

And apparently, I hadn't put together my side tables or coffe table yet. LoL

Spring Can't Get Here Fast Enough!

Bring on Spring! I can't wait! Warmth. Flowers. Grass. Cleaning. Vacation. I have self diagnosed myself: Cabin Fever. This crazy Southeast weather is depressing. Warm, cold, balmy, freezing. Wth? I'm ready for 60-70 degree weather. Baseball. Nascar. Fishing. And yes! Camping!!! Brandon and I are planning hiking trips. I'm sooo excited. We were looking into some trails in Northeast GA right at the NC border...then that poor girl was decapitated by some homeless dude (on one of the trails we were thinking about hiking) eek! But. We've found a great place to hike. Panthertown Valley, NC!!! Gorgeous mountains, lots o falls, beautiful views, etc. And speaking of trips that get me out of Chattanooga, Mom and I are talking about going to Mexico this May. For Mom and Dad's 24th anniversary, Mom is sending Dad tuna fishing off the coast of LA with my grandfather and uncle. Kinda manly man. She's been wanting to use her 250,000 flyer miles to travel somewhere sunny and sandy and south of the border, but Dad won't fly. Sooo she's sending him fishing like he wants. Mom was thinking of going on her lil Mexican vaca ALONE. Wth?!? I told her, uh, no...no solo vacations to Mexico. I don't want some creepster to attack her down there! She suggested I go with. Sooo...now I have to get into some form of bathing suit body. God help. Hell, I may hire a trainer, who knows? OH, and Mom and I are doing this mother/daughter "Women in the Wilderness" class in March. LoL we saw brochures at the Tractor Supply store this past weekend. Basically, some outdoors group is hosting this thing. They offer classes, such as Rifle Shooting, Archery, Maps and Compasses, Backyard Habitat, Bluebird Houses, Step Stones, um...Gun Cleaning and Maintence, Shotgun Shooting, Ospery Habitat in Chickamauga, etc. We get to take three classes, our choice, and they provide lunch and souveniers and giveaways and raffle. I think this will be fun! I think we signed up for Shotguns, Backyard Habitat, and Stepping Stones? Maybe...I can't remember. We'll have fun at Redneck 101! I wonder if we need to bring our own guns? Hm. OH, and going back to the whole possible trips thing, my BFF Hogan wants us to save up some money and hit the beaches as well! She got a larger tax return than planned, so instead of giving in to her boyfriend and buying a some big flatscreen, HDTV, she's saving it for a trip! I haven't got my taxes done yet, but I'm def gonna save, save, save! Gosh, I can' wait for spring!!!

Cynical

Welcome back, singledom. I broke up with Brandon about...3 weeks ago? Day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I don't claim to have perfect timing. But this wasn't a timed event, so to say. I couldn't handle certain aspects of the relationship. One event in particular made me realize that. But anyways, I ended it. I guess I thought I'd be some BA chick...wouldn't let some break up toy with MY emotions. End it clean. Breathe. Move on with life. "Not the end of the world," and all those cliche sayings. If only life was that simple. Especially around the holidays. The holidays, oh the holidays. Brandon and I had been together over a year. That's a long time. I guess I didn't realize how long. I mean, your lives are pretty intertwined by this point. For a few weeks, I was rather emotional. Haha. I was "that" chick for about 2 weeks post-breakup. "That" chick that cried when someone asked about us. Or cried when something reminded me of him. But finally, after space and life, you get a chance to breathe. And fill the void by keeping busy. But those durn holidays. They'll get you everytime. I think I miss the comfort of a relationship. Having someone to sleep next to you. Or text you randomly in the day. Someone to cook for. Shop for. Kiss. I think that's what I miss most. Kissing. And I hate to be all emo-blogging and shit. Believe me, I do. But I can't talk to anybody about this really. My mom despised him. I don't think my girlfriend thought highly of him. I hate to bother any of them with ooey-gooey poor-pitiful-me conversations. Haha can you imagine me talking to my brother about this kinda crap?!? I don't know who he'd shoot first. Me or himself! LoL. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say...this breaking up crap isn't as easy as I thought. The guilt and sadness and lonliness are still here. Give it time, yes I know. I will. And I am. Just please, let me get through the New Year.

Reading Material for the Bored

What's wrong with me? Something's wrong. I'm not myself. I don't feel happy. At all. I hate admitting that. But the truth is, I'm miserable. I have not seen my friends in months. I fear they either hate me or don't care or don't remember me. When was last time I had a great night out with the girls? Or my friends? Or anybody for that matter? I've gone from a fun-loving, sociable goofball...to a self-concience, mental hermit. I'm tired of being in a relationship. Especially one that requires so much work. I'm tired of being the one to sacrifice. Relationships shouldn't be based on sacrifice...they should work with compromise. And consideration for one another. I honestly believe that sacrifice leads to resentment. Do I resent my boyfriend? At times, hell yes. Over petty things? Probably. My boyfriend and I argue. Quite often, in my opinion. And I understand couples argue. I have no problem with that fact. However, my boyfriend's "style" of arguing is quite different than mine. I appreciate a guy that can communicate his thoughts/feelings. Hah, I've had a few that couldn't. But. Yelling/crying/screaming/cursing/crying/altimatums/slamming doors/crying. It's overwhelming. I get these promises of "I'll work on it" or "It'll never happen again," and I feel obligated to give him another chance. And another. Oh, and the situations or events that cause the argument...now that's a big fucking laugh! Me not answering my phone...bc I left it at my apartment while I went tanning. Apparently that's me ignoring him? Me wanting to spend the evening cleaning my apartment and doing laundry instead of seeing him for the 9th night in a row. Apparently that's a sign our relationship is fading, and I'm getting tired of him? Me wanting to spend the night at my parents' house on the weekend. Apparently that's another sign our relationship is failing? Me planning a night out w/a large group including my single guy friends. Apparently I want one of them? I feel subjected to manipulation and control. I can't even begin to explain the disaster that was my family vacation to Gatlinberg. Let's just say, the entire family (minus Pop) hates my boyfriend. My mom does not want me bringing him to the house anymore. I don't have the heart to tell him. Oh, let's not forget the key issue. I didn't really want to give him a key to my apartment. I didn't feel ready. So occasionally I would hide the key for him outside. If he wanted to grab dinner for us. Or go have him a beer before I get off work. Whatever. Well, one day, I noticed he got into the apt when I forgot to leave the key. I asked him how he got in. He took the liberty of making himself a copy of my key. Oh, folks, it gets better. This really bothered me. I told my mom what happened. Her advice: if it really bothers you, ask for it back. It's you apt, your privacy, your key. So, my anti-confrontational ass asked him for the key back a few nights later. He handed it over willingly and nicely. But. The next night. After a few drinks. He brought up the key situation again. We had a HORRIBLE argument. Ugly. Blah. Well, we worked it out. Apologized. The whole la-di-dah. I still had my key. He didn't. World order restored, right? Wrong. Two days later, I noticed the key copy was not on my desk where I put it. That night, I looked at his key ring. Yep, it was back on there. Long story short, another fight and yelling match later, I have my key back. Why can't I let him go? I don't have some desperate need for a relationship. I actually remember the days of singledom. The days I could do whatever I wanted. I didn't have to worry about doing something spontaneous that might make someone mad. Or having my cell 24/7 for fear of the wrath. Now, he has been doing better now that he's been employed again. I don't get 8 phone calls in a row. He has his own agenda now. But. Even though he's trying to be more laid back. More "cool." More relaxed. I'm still not happy. How can I be happy WITH someone, when I'm not happy WITH myself? I'm sick of worrying about everyone else but me. Worrying about him, my family, my work, my school. I know I probably sound like the most selfish person right now...but damnit, I deserve it! I don't even want singledom for the same reasons most twenty-something year olds do. I just want myself back! I want to do what I want. I don't care if I have a significant other right now. I'm tired of walking on egg shells for someone. Tired of being smothered. But...I dread...breaking up. Is it sad that I know EXACTLY how he will react? There will be tears, sadness, begging, pleading, promises, anger. God...I dread it. I think maybe that could be one reason I have stuck this out for so long. But the stress from ALL these things...running through my head...when I'm alone...when I'm lying in bed...when I'm driving...it's about to drive me crazy. I'm ready for it to end. I know I'm being dramatic, but I have not been able to vent to anybody. At all. So all these bottled up feelings and emotions and thoughts and blah...all go to the blog. I feel some relief getting this out. But...I'm banking...that the relief I would feel from just ending the relationship...would feel so much better. Maybe I could sleep again? LoL.

No, I Haven't Fallen Off The Face of The Planet...

Wow. It's been a LONG time since I've blogged. I do not "technically" have my "OWN" Internet access at my apartment...sooo now that the wireless Internet neighbors have moved out, my MySpace, Blogger, and Facebook have suffered. Lol. Anyways, I'm at my parents farm...using their ancient (yet effective) dial-up service. We've spent the day spreading mushroom compost throughout the garden. And when I say "mushroom" compost, I mean horse manure + mushrooms + composty junk all mixed up. There are no words to describe that smell. LOL. Anywho, we got a row of onions and a few early tomato plants in the ground. After that, my dad, aunt, and I rounded up the cows and separated the three calves we've been halter-breaking. They were pretty sassy today. Aunt Bobbi got kicked once. I deflected a kick w/a feed bucket. My cousin Zachary shielded himself with a bag o'feed. Twice. Anyways, we haltered'm up, walked'm around, and introduced them to the water hose! We bathed them down and brushed off all the winter fur. They look lovely. Next weekend, I'm bringing my (new) digital camera up here to photograph our adventures. I really wanted to take the 4-wheeler to the back part of the property, but I've ran out of time. The Nooga beckons me back. Hopefully, my next blog entry won't be 5 months from now! LoL.

Turtle Time!

Remember Brandon I mentioned in a previous blog? Well, we went out a few weeks ago. Had a GREAT time!!! He took me to dinner...then we went to Renaissance Park and strolled about. I hadn't been to the new park since moving out of North Chatt. It was gorgeous. After awhile, he suggested ice cream at Clumpies! Mmm!!! We got a coupla scoops to go and walked around Coolige. There were plenty of people and boats out and about. Fun times!!! He's sooo nice and affectionate and spastic! LoL. Well, the next night we watched football w/my roomie and her boyfriend at his apartment. Sooo...last weekend, Brandon wanted to go out and about. I suggested the Aquarium(s). Neither of us had been there in fo-ever. It was sooo interesting! Brandon is an aspiring biology major. Loves him some reptiles. The Aquarium was perfect. LoL in the Delta exhibit, we were checking out alligators and turtles. He is quite the turtle expert. As I'm looking at a snake, I noticed Brandon was PETTING the turtles that were swimming by! Omg. Clearly, there was a sign below the glass stating "DO NOT PET OR FEED ANIMALS." I thought he was being defiant or something. He kept asking me to pet the turtle...reassuring me they weren't snapping turtles. I looked at him like he be crazy. Finally, we kneeled to check out the alligator snapping turtles, and there the sign was staring us in the face. Haha Brandon was like "Holy crap...didn't even see the sign. You probably thought I had lost my mind." We finished up the "old" Aquarium and headed for the "new" one. The parrots and butterflies were a-mazing. The sharks and such were cool as well...but the "new" Aquarium was rather short. After our aquatic adventure, Brandon suggested grabbing a bite at Durty Nelly's. Yesss. I'd always wanted to eat there! It was sooo home-ish and quaint. We had fried pickles and some YUMMY Irish beer and Shepard's Pie. Very very good! After that, we checked out the house he's moving out of (in St. Elmo). And for the grand finale, we went back to my apt and played Mario Kart!!! LoL. I started out kicked his ass...buuut...he figured out the game and began dominating. Brandom makes me smile. Alot. :oD

Ah. Ocoee Gold Sunset. Mmm.

Natty Light? Yes Please!!!

V-O-L-S! VOLS, VOLS, VOLS!!!

Ohh Saturday. LoL. Saturday, Heather, Tom, David, Daniel, and I journeyed to Knoxville for the UT vs Air Force football game. 5 of us...1 four door Saturn...one HUGE cooler...basket of goodies...and plenty of alcohol. Game on. We drank on the way to Knoxville. Daniel and I were trying to create drinking games for road trips. My suggestion: Drunk 18-Wheeler. Every 18-wheeler that passes, we drink. Haha!!! Daniel's suggestion: Vols Caravan. Every car/SUV/truck that passes us in the fast lane, we drink. Thank GOD we didn't play that one...cause our little Saturn was weighed down to the max and, we got passed by LOTS of eager, speeding Vols fans. So many UT flags, magnets, bumper stickers, glass chalk, etc. We made good time...only had one navigation problem. Heather and Daniel were bickering over what bands were playing in Knoxville, Nashville, and Chattanooga. LoL, we missed the exit during that argument. Flipped a bitch of two...no prob. Our parking pass kicked ass. We were in the tailgating Mecca. I had a bottle of wine in one chair cupholder...a huge Jager Bomb in the other...and a wine cooler at my feet. Got alcohol? Haha. I was feeling pre-e-e-e-ty good by game time. Daniel and I shotgunned a beer and made more Jager Bombs before bebopping to the shuttles. For some reason, we all assumed the buses were No Food No Drink. Daniel and I CHUGGED our Jager Bombs once we got to the shuttle doors. Really? Because once we got on the bus, it was orange cups and coozies all over the place. Rats! On the shuttle ride to the stadium, we got the entire bus singing Rocky Top at the "top" of their lungs. It was glorious!!! Daniel, being the Bama fan he is, muttered, "I didn't know Rocky Top mentioned moonshine." Once we got to Neyland Stadium, our group had to separate. Daniel and I went to the inzone while Heather, Tom, and David hit the jumbotron. I loved our seats!!! Good job, D-Brizzle. I don't know how many times I sang Rocky Top and "V-O-L-S VOLS VOLS VOLS!" and all sorts of dandy little cheers. "Nuts and Bolts, Nuts and Bolts, we got SCREWED," was a personal fav of Daniel's. David and I were the only TRUE Vols fans out of our group. Everybody else wanted to leave after the 3rd quarter and hit up some bars. I got us to stay through the beginning of the 4th after TN scored. We watched the close finale from Chilis. After a few rounds of 2-fers, we rolled out and strolled down the strip. Daniel suggested this little place off the beaten path kinda called Cool Beans. I like this bar!!! There were all sorts of different people there. Vols, frat, sororitutes, hippies, tree huggers, Air Force, etc. We ordered some of our fav beverages and played some old school NBA bball. Ran into some Nooga folks. Good times. We finally left and decided it was time to hike back to the car. HA. And hike we did!!! On our trek, the guys were cracking my shit up. David and Daniel were stealing EVERYTHING. I'm talking orange tape made into sashes. Orange and white triangle flags made into hula skirts. Oodles of orange cones. Pom poms. Soccer signs. Banners. You name it. It was brought back to the car. We all finally made it back to the Saturn...and piled in. David kept begging Heather to drive by the Porta-Potties to do #2. Begging and pleading. Daniel agreed. After a grumble, Heather finally swung by the Johns. As the car is still moving, David and Daniel LEAPED out of the car, ran over, and knocked over 4 Porta-Potties!!! Ewww!!! There was wretched nastiness coming out the tops of those things. BLAH!!! Heather freaked out and sped across the parking lot. I just knew we were gonna get arrested. But. We made it back safe and sound. Daniel and I crashed at my 'rents house in Cleveland. My folks banned him to the downstairs air mattress. LoL.