Cynical

Welcome back, singledom. I broke up with Brandon about...3 weeks ago? Day before Thanksgiving. Yeah, I don't claim to have perfect timing. But this wasn't a timed event, so to say. I couldn't handle certain aspects of the relationship. One event in particular made me realize that. But anyways, I ended it. I guess I thought I'd be some BA chick...wouldn't let some break up toy with MY emotions. End it clean. Breathe. Move on with life. "Not the end of the world," and all those cliche sayings. If only life was that simple. Especially around the holidays. The holidays, oh the holidays. Brandon and I had been together over a year. That's a long time. I guess I didn't realize how long. I mean, your lives are pretty intertwined by this point. For a few weeks, I was rather emotional. Haha. I was "that" chick for about 2 weeks post-breakup. "That" chick that cried when someone asked about us. Or cried when something reminded me of him. But finally, after space and life, you get a chance to breathe. And fill the void by keeping busy. But those durn holidays. They'll get you everytime. I think I miss the comfort of a relationship. Having someone to sleep next to you. Or text you randomly in the day. Someone to cook for. Shop for. Kiss. I think that's what I miss most. Kissing. And I hate to be all emo-blogging and shit. Believe me, I do. But I can't talk to anybody about this really. My mom despised him. I don't think my girlfriend thought highly of him. I hate to bother any of them with ooey-gooey poor-pitiful-me conversations. Haha can you imagine me talking to my brother about this kinda crap?!? I don't know who he'd shoot first. Me or himself! LoL. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say...this breaking up crap isn't as easy as I thought. The guilt and sadness and lonliness are still here. Give it time, yes I know. I will. And I am. Just please, let me get through the New Year.